What's your sign?

While doing my usual internet perusing today (by today I mean last Friday, I thought this post needed a good edit so I let it sit for a few days), I discovered that there is a great deal of cyber chit chat going on about zodiac signs right now. Apparently, some omniscent individual from Minneapolis named Parke Kunkle (seriously?) has gone ahead and spoiled everything by telling us our zodiac signs are off by about a month because of the earth's 'wobble'. Instead of getting into all the details I will share this clip with you and let my favourite funny man, and fellow Taurus, Craig Ferguson explain some of the 'science' behind the new zodiac signs.

Now, I realize zodiac signs are kind of silly but I read my horoscope every now and then, and I feel very well suited to my Taurean status. So when I read about all of this new sign business I felt a small wave of panic wash over me, 'but I don't want a new sign!' I thought. I decided to investigate further. I was not pleased with my results. In the amount of time it had taken me to do a simple google search, my astrological world had been turned upside down. I am now an Aries.

But here's the thing, I am really not an Aries at all! I browsed through many a weird hippie astrological web page to see if there were any connections at all between my character and the Aries sign and here are some of the highlights of an Aries:

Arians are intrepid and aggressive. When needed, they can almost always muster the inner-strength to face any challenge. Always competitive, Arians never lose sight of what is in their best interest.

Nein! Nein! Nein! I can barely 'muster the inner strength' to get out of bed before 10 AM most days! Challenges? I hate 'em. If it had said 'always competitive at board games' then maybe I could have a little Aries in me, but for the most part, I am not a very competitive person. But if we ever play Balderdash, I suggest you watch your back.

They much prefer action to allowing things to settle on their own. They are never afraid to take chances or follow their impulses.

Uh-buh. I am the total opposite of this! I often struggle with every day decisions on what to wear, what to eat, etc. and important decisions are never ever made without creating a pro/con list and then humming and hawing over it for a month or so.

Aries is well-suited to become a fire-fighter, surgeon, mechanic, dentist, professional athlete and entrepreneur.

Fire fighter. Enough said.

Now let us review some of the highlights of a Taurus, my true sign.

Taureans love pleasure and material gain. For them the outcome is all that matters, and it only matters if they have gained. Their ultimate pursuit is "the good life" in every sense of the phrase. Taureans are also great lovers of the arts and all things beautiful. They need to be surrounded by beauty to be happy.

Now that's more like it! See, I can't help that I love clothes and shoes and other pretty things - I was born that way.

Taureans are often seen as stubborn. However, what some see as stubbornness is actually the Taurean's will to stay their chosen course to reach their goals. Bulls are pragmatic and dependable, and left to trudge along at their own speed usually attain that which they seek.

I think I am actually just stubborn. But I most certainly have been going  my own pace for the last few years trying to focus on figuring out what I would like to achieve in the future.

Taureans are well-suited to be bankers, artists, accountants, musicians, gardeners or any profession that requires patience, determination and a strong beauty aesthetic.

Now these careers definitely seem a bit more up my alley. Although I'm not sure how the career of an accountant requires a strong beauty aesthetic - I will have to ask my dad about that one.

So to conclude my highly scientific astrological analysis, I have decided that I will remain a Taurus. The blood of the bull has run through me for 20 years now and I shall not be having my Taurean status yanked away from me by some one with the name Kunkle.